"The Taste of Salt"

Written By: Dùlin

Fic #29 In the Thirty Kisses Arc

Archive: This arc is archived on this site with permission. Do not reproduce it anywhere without permission.

Pairing : 1+4 friendship or very slight shounen ai

Theme : #29 – the sound of waves

Rating : PG

Warnings : Quatre POV, canon-ness, self-reflection, thoughts, angstiness sap. Takes place during episode 29 (spoilers). I am doing a personal interpretation of the scene on the beach.

Disclaimer : Those yummy boys belong to Sunrise and Bandai. Which are not me.

Author’s Note : I do not guarantee that the lines of dialogue will be completely identical to those in the English version since I am working from my Japanese copy subbed in French.

"The Taste of Salt"

"What’s up, Quatre ? You don’t like dogs ?"

I looked up from my silent contemplation of the sand to where Heero and the dogs were now sitting after running around for a while. For people who were supposed to have been captured by the military, we had quite a lot of freedom. Our own tent, a computer access, and the right to move around camp in the secured perimeter. If we had wanted to take off, we could have done it very easily.

But we didn’t. We didn’t really have anywhere else to go, anyway.

Heero seemed to be waiting. For what, I didn’t know. He just took the opportunity to have some rest while he could, and apparently forgot everything about the war raging around us. I knew it was not true, of course. We spent most evenings scanning the net and the television for news of our comrades. We monitored the political situation. We tried to make plans for the future, without much conviction. Everything was too blurred for us to make actual decisions.

We were supposedly being watched closely by the soldiers who had found us, but the truth was that they didn’t even know what to do with us. I wasn’t even sure that they actually knew who was supposed to be sending them orders. They were just trying to stay alive in the chaos that Earth had become. They didn’t seem to be scared of us either.

My mind was a mess. I had nightmares every time I tried to sleep, and most days were spent contemplating the consequences of my actions. I desperately wanted to believe that Trowa was still alive, but everything in me was screaming that I had killed him. I think that it is on that beach, under that beautiful sun, that I actually experienced despair. Not even when my father and sister died did I feel that strange sensation, tearing me apart from the inside, ravaging my whole being, and leaving me physically exhausted.

Heero did notice, he was too observant not to. But I think he didn’t really know how to react. It wasn’t the same for him. He wasn’t the one who had dealt the blow, since I had meant to blast his Mobile Suit. Trowa coming in the middle saved him, but I don’t think he really knew how to react to that either. Trowa’s death, or apparent death, seemed to remain some kind of abstract notion for him. If he was saddened by it, it didn’t show. And I don’t think that he had ever been in the situation of comforting someone. He simply didn’t know how, and it would have been just mean of me to be mad at him for it. I knew I had to try and get through this alone, with him watching from afar and waiting for me.

This is why I was surprised that he started a conversation. And a conversation that was completely mundane. When I looked at him, I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. He still didn’t know what he was doing. He had no idea how to help me. And he was trying in spite of all that.

"Of course I do …", I answered, offering a weak smile. "Why do you ask ?"

He got up from the sand, brushing it off his clothes.

"Then, come play with them. They look like they want to play with you."

I looked at the dogs. They were looking up at Heero with the kind of adoring expressions that only happy dogs can have, wagging their tails wildly. Heero had stopped scratching their heads as he got up and one of them whined a bit at the loss of the caress.

"Animals have a kind of sixth sense. They feel it if you’re a kind person", Heero continued, eyes now staring at the sea.

I had a more sincere smile. I was sure he hadn’t even realized what he had said, but in my heart, I had always known that Heero was a kind person. Years of training had not managed to erase that from his personality, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

I wouldn’t be able to say why I suddenly brought my fingers to my mouth and licked them. They were still salty. I had been near the edge of the water about half an hour ago, and tasted the water. It seemed like a stupid thing to do, drinking salt water, but the sea … just fascinated me.

You don’t find salt water on colonies. You can’t hear that hypnotic sound the waves make when they come crashing on the sand, again and again. Seeing it and hearing it on television just doesn’t do it justice. There is nothing like the feeling of being in front of that huge immensity of naturally salted water, feeling the droplets of it on your face, tasting the salt even on the wind, smelling it.

I had never felt truly alive before I had seen the sea. And now that I was seeing it, with nothing else to do but look at it and feel it, I was wondering if I could find the taste of salt again.

"Kindness isn’t necessary for a soldier", I murmured.

"Probably not", he admitted.

His voice wasn’t wavering.

"Not in a time of war. But a soldier who doesn’t fight needs kindness."

He looked straight at me, with those eyes that were much deeper than the deepest ocean. Eyes that I had seen in doubt, in pain, … in peace ?

"And we’re not fighting", he finished almost carelessly.

It was stinging in my mouth, almost hurting me with its roughness. Like a brutal landing into reality. I licked my finger again, savoring it. One of the dog came to me, curious, and when I held out my hand to it, it licked it too, and seemed to find it to its taste, because it didn’t stop before it had washed it thoroughly. The wet tongue tickled me and I laughed, stroking the dog on the muzzle.

I finally looked up to see Heero looking at me, a tiny smile on his normally too serious face. I smiled back.

"Thank you", I said softly.

He petted the dog again, then turned back and began to go away, leaving soft footprints in the sand.

I only just caught the last words he said, cast my way by the wind.

"We’re alive, Quatre."

OWARI

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